Interviewer:
"This is the first time I've ever spoken to a book character."
Adam the Neanderthal man:
"You were expecting Anne of Green Gables, maybe?"
Interviewer:
"No offense, but you look scary...especially now that you're fully grown."
Adam:
"Just be glad I'm not the Frankenstein monster or Grendel."
Interviewer:
"What are you, in you're mid-fifties? You were a teenager in the pages of Out of the Cave."
Adam (grinning):
"I was even more clueless than human teens at the time."
Interviewer:
"I'm told you have a sense of humor."
Adam:
"We Neanderthals even smiled occasionally."
Interviewer (laughs):
"I'm a little surprised."
Adam:
"Didn't you read Out of the Cave?"
Interviewer:
"My shock comes not so much from your being a Neanderthal. It's more your...."
Adam:
"Looks. They've been described as primitive and subhuman. Brutish even."
Interviewer:
"May I describe you to our readers?"
Adam:
"Go ahead."
Interviewer:
"Adam is heavily muscled. Possesses thick brow ridges above his eyes and owns a huge nose that
dominates much of his face. Above all that, he has a slanting forehead that makes him look almost simian and hardly any chin."
Adam:
"The author described my appearance as 'thuggish.'"
Interviewer:
"Again, I don't wish to be rude but, if I were casting a gangster movie, you'd play the mob juice man."
Adam:
"Kelly, my girlfriend, was put off by my appearance when we first met. I may have scared her."
Interviewer:
"To clarify things, she's a human being but you're not."
Adam (nodding):
"I'm what paleoanthropologists call a Homo neanderthalensis. That's another species of hominid."
Interviewer:
"A species long extinct."
Adam:
"We went down the evolutionary toilet approximately 30,000 years ago."
Interviewer:
"And your people were much stronger than mine. Isn't that right?"
Adam:
"We had to be. We hunted Paleolithic mega fauna with stabbing spears tipped with flint points. It was
killing up close and personal. Cave bears and giant elk didn't relish being hunted and tended to lash out at their tormentors."
Interviewer:
"When modern humans meet you, how do they react?"
Adam:
"Most are polite enough. Others are shocked. Some think I'm the missing link and are surprised to learn I'm not covered with fur."
Interviewer:
"Tell us about your girlfriend Kelly. Was she pretty?"
Adam:
"To me, she was beautiful. Your readers will have to read Out of the Cave to corroborate that statement."
Interviewer:
"I got the impression she was good-hearted."
Adam frames his face with thick sinewy hands:
"Anyone who could love this face would have to be."
Interviewer:
"I remember liking her."
Adam:
"I wish everyone at Rivertown High had."
(He ponders a moment)
"She had her problems."
Interviewer:
"Was it love at first sight with you two?"
Adam:
"For me, yes. It took a while for Kelly. We were, after all, in high school."
Interviewer:
"Where you had problems of your own, as I recall."
Adam:
"Like I said, it was high school."
Interviewer:
"You were forced to deal with older bullies."
Adam:
"At first. As we established earlier, I'm quite a bit stronger than humans."
Interviewer:
"And what do you think of humankind?"
Adam:
"Most of you are okay, but is sure is strange that every time the human race came in contact with another species of hominid back in pre-historic times, that species went extinct."
Interviewer:
"Like your people."
Adam patiently nods.
Interviewer:
"How would you compare humans and Neanderthals intelligence-wise?"
Adam:
"I was wondering when you'd get around to that one."
Interviewer:
"How did the Neanderthal brain stack up with that of Homo sapiens?"
Adam (matter-of-factly):
"My people's brains were larger."
Interviewer (surprised):
"Really?"
Adam:
"Larger, but wired differently. Due to our smaller neocortices (plural of neocortex) Neanderthals weren't as adept at thinking outside the box as yours. Humans contemporary with my people possessed superior tools, and weapons. Therefore, they possessed better survivor skills."
Interviewer:
"Can you elaborate?"
Adam:
"My people had better memories, but yours were superior at thinking laterally."
Interviewer:
"And yet, you are able to function quite well in modern society."
Adam:
"I can perform everyday tasks as well as the average Joe, but I'll never be a rocket science or brain surgeon. You humans didn't survive my kind for no reason."
Interviewer:
"Let's get back to Kelly. How did you win her?"
Adam:
"I didn't. I was young and socially awkward...and had no game whatsoever. We just sort of fell in love. To this day, I don't know what she saw in me."
Interviewer:
"I can't believe you had no skills with females whatsoever."
Adam (Laughing):
"Don't forget, we cavemen used to court our women with clubs."